Bert Kreischer House
Los Angeles is known for its sprawling celebrity mansions and lavish properties, but comedian Bert Kreischer bucks this trend with his modest home in the Valley Village neighborhood.
Despite his fame and fortune, Bert’s house offers an understated and relaxed vibe that reflects his humble personality.
Bert Kreischer is an American stand-up comedian who became famous after being featured in a 1997 Rolling Stone article titled “The Undergraduate” about his experience joining a Russian mafia while studying abroad.
Since then, he has released multiple comedy specials, hosted various television shows, and appeared on podcasts like The Joe Rogan Experience.
Known as the “Machine” for his party lifestyle, Bert has crafted an onstage persona as a lovable, hard-drinking maniac.
However, offstage, he opts for a more lowkey life with his wife and daughters in Los Angeles. Instead of a sprawling mega-mansion, Bert Kreischer chose an older, modest-sized home in the Valley Village area.
The Exterior and Location Bert Kreischer House
Nestled in the southeastern San Fernando Valley, Valley Village is a quiet residential area near major studios such as Universal and Warner Brothers.
Bert Kreischer’s house is a single-story ranch-style home, likely built in the 1950s. The exterior is simple, with a brown brick facade and minimal landscaping.
With less than 2,000 square feet of living space, celebrity standards consider the home small. Yet the vintage exterior and unassuming curb appeal reflect Bert’s preference for simplicity over flashiness.
Despite his wealth, he opted for a starter-sized home rather than a massive celebrity compound.
Specifications: Bert Kreischer House
- Square Footage: Under 2,000 sq ft
- Bedrooms: 3
- Bathrooms: 2
- Estimated Value: Around $2 million
- Purchase Price: $1.2 million (in 2006)
Bert Kreischer House The Interior
Stepping inside, Bert Kreischer’s house features an eclectic mix of retro and modern elements. The layout has an open concept centering around a cozy living room adorned with mid-century couches and colorful rugs.
Vintage touches like wood paneling and tiled floors blend seamlessly with Bert’s kitschy decor, like beer signs and concert posters.
While humbly sized, the interior feels warm, inviting, and uniquely personal compared to many A-listers’ stark, museum-like showplaces.
Looking closer at the interior design, a few key details stand out:
- Hardwood Floors throughout lend warmth and timelessness
- Color Palette includes earthy neutrals and punches of color
- Exposed Brick Walls and reclaimed wood add texture
- Eclectic Light Fixtures and an abundance of plants feel youthful
Overall, the interior choices reflect Bert’s playful personality rather than mimicking sterile celebrity aesthetics. It’s a home tailored perfectly to his tastes.
Bert Kreischer House Living and Dining Rooms
The main living area embodies Bert’s lowkey aesthetic with lived-in shabby-chic furniture and tongue-in-cheek knickknacks from his comedy career.
A plush sectional and armchairs offer space to lounge, while the nearby dining nook features a wooden table surrounded by mismatched chairs for family meals.
Despite his hard-partying image, Bert’s house has a softness that reflects quality time with his daughters. The rooms feel functional yet full of personality.
Bert Kreischer House Bedrooms and Bathrooms
As a ranch-style house, the bedrooms and bathrooms branch off from the main living areas in a simple single-story layout. Bert’s bedroom features a large bed anchored by rustic nightstands and cozy textiles.
The bathroom has vintage tilework and basic builder-grade finishes, while the girls’ rooms burst with color and youthful energy.
There are no sprawling master suites or lavish vanities, just modest rooms tailored to each family member’s needs.
Den
One highlight is Bert’s den, outfitted with a bar, pub tables, neon signs, and music posters. This lounge-like space nods to his party days, allowing him to decompress in his private man cave.
It’s likely where he watches sports, unwinds after gigs, and hosts small gatherings with friends.
Bert Kreischer House The Kitchen
As the hub of family life, the kitchen punches above its weight with intelligent updates and family-friendly amenities. An island with barstool seating and high-end stainless appliances expands the galley-style layout.
White cabinetry keeps things bright and cheery, while the classic tile backsplash and double-basin farmhouse sink give a nod to vintage charm. It’s a room designed for family gatherings, snacking, and bonding over meals.
Key kitchen features:
- Granite Countertops
- Walk-in Pantry
- Breakfast Nook
- Built-in Bar Area
Despite its modest size, the kitchen has features perfect for Bert’s laid-back hosting style.
The Outdoor Area
Another highlight is the backyard oasis where Bert can enjoy LA’s sunny climate. The sprawling deck with an al fresco dining table is perfect for entertaining. Inside a white picket fence, there’s a spacious lawn and pool for family fun.
While many celebrity homes boast ornate landscaping and infinity pools, Bert’s backyard is simple. A covered patio houses a grill, weathered furniture, and a low-key hot tub. Mature trees surround the perimeter, allowing for privacy without pretension.
The front and backyards maximize outdoor living in a welcoming rather than intimidating way. It’s easy to imagine the Kreischers hosting a relaxed BBQ or their daughters splashing in the pool with friends.
Ownership and Value
Bert purchased the 3-bed, 2-bath Valley Village home in 2006 for $1.2 million with his wife LeeAnn. While the price tag seems high, it’s pretty modest by LA standards, especially for a famous comedian. Similar celebrity homes often start at $5-10 million.
Today, Bert Kreischer’s house is estimated at around $2 million – a steal considering its prime location and ample amenities.
While the home lacks supersized square footage, its celebrity pedigree and coveted real estate boost the value. Still, Bert scored a down-to-earth place at a reasonable price.
Bert Kreischer House The Garage
One part of Bert Kreischer’s house that doesn’t get much attention is the garage. Attached to the house, it provides covered parking for multiple vehicles.
Given Bert’s love of motorcycles and cars, the garage allows him to store an array of vehicles out of the elements safely. It also enables easy access when loading up for one of his cross-country touring trips.
While most celebrity garages are filled with rare supercars and status symbols, Bert’s likely houses more practical family vehicles. An SUV for carting his daughters around, a spacious minivan for airport trips, and his beloved motorcycles.
Like the rest of the home, the garage provides the necessary space without going over the top. It’s an ideal lowkey spot to store Bert’s toys and tend to his rides as an automotive enthusiast.
The Security System Bert Kreischer House
As a famous comedian, Bert does require certain security precautions at his residential property. Bert Kreischer’s house features a security alarm system with door and window sensors to detect intruders.
Outdoor motion detectors and security cameras provide additional monitoring around the perimeter. However, Bert tried to avoid an oppressive, prison-like atmosphere.
The exterior has subtle fencing rather than large imposing gates. By blending in with neighboring homes, Bert’s residence keeps a low profile despite his celebrity status.
The goal was peace of mind without feeling unsafe in his own home. For Bert, the ideal security system is invisible but effective.
Future Plans
Having lived in the home for over 15 years, Bert dreams of some future renovation. He may convert the garage into a Spotify studio as his daughters grow older.
Outdoor upgrades like a built-in BBQ kitchen and firepit would maximize time spent with friends in the yard. And a complete kitchen remodel could modernize the space without losing its charm.
But Bert remains content with the humble abode that meets his family’s needs. Significant changes can wait until the next phase of his life after his daughters leave the nest.
For now, small DIY projects here and there keep the house feeling fresh. Bert always maintains his home with the same approach he takes to life – relaxed and unpretentious.
Comparison to Other Celebrity Homes
Compared to the megamansions of the LA elite, Bert Kreischer’s digs are pretty modest. But he eschews flashy features like home theaters, wine cellars, and sports complexes. Everything about the home’s aesthetic feels approachable and family-oriented.
Fellow comics like Jo Koy and Iliza Shlesinger live in luxury homes with 4-5 bedrooms. Meanwhile, Joe Rogan owns a $14 million 12,000-square-foot fortress. Despite his means, Bert opted for cozy over crazy.
Here’s how Bert’s humble abode compares to some other celebrity house specs:
| Celebrity | Home Size | Bedrooms | Bathrooms | Estimated Value |
| Bert Kreischer | < 2,000 sq ft | 3 | 2 | $2 million |
| Jo Koy | 5,300 sq ft | 5 | 5.5 | $3.2 million |
| Iliza Shlesinger | 4,800 sq ft | 4 | 5 | $2.9 million |
| Joe Rogan | 12,000 sq ft | 8 | 10 | $14.4 million |
Ultimately, Bert chose a home tailored to his family’s needs rather than stroking his ego. The lived-in charm far surpasses the sterile opulence of most celebrity pads.
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FAQs
Where does Bert Kreischer live?
Bert Kreischer lives in Valley Village, a quiet residential area in the southeastern San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, California.
How much weight has Bert Kreischer lost?
As of my last update in January 2022, there isn’t specific information available regarding how much weight Bert Kreischer has lost.
Was Bert Kreischer in a frat?
Yes, Bert Kreischer was in a fraternity during his college years. He gained fame for his wild partying and outrageous experiences, including his time as a member of the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity at Florida State University.
How do I get in contact with Bert Kreischer?
To contact Bert Kreischer, try reaching out through his official website or social media channels. He’s active on platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, where he may interact with fans or have contact information available for inquiries.
Alternatively, you might also check with his talent agency or management team for official communication channels.
Conclusion
While humble on paper, Bert Kreischer’s Valley Village residence has an undeniable appeal. The single-story floorplan, retro touches, and relaxed outdoor spaces create a comfy retreat for his family.
Rather than trying to impress, Bert’s house authenticates his life as a comedian, husband, and father. For a celeb known as the “Machine,” his design aesthetic is quite tasteful and grounded.
“My house isn’t much, but it’s home for me and my girls. I don’t need over-the-top luxury, just a chill place to come back to after being on the road.” – Bert KreischerUltimately, square footage and luxury features matter far less than creating a place you genuinely love.
The Kreischer home proves you don’t need a palatial estate to live like a king in LA. Bert chose quality over quantity, choosing a home with ample heart and soul.
